Should I Tell Everyone Right Away After an Autism Diagnosis?
Once you receive a diagnosis, you may feel excited and want to tell everyone in your life so that they understand you better. Eager to share new insights about yourself or to explain why you have certain difficulties, you might feel prompted to announce it on social media or tell friends and people at your job. It’s good at this stage to slow down and do some reflecting. There is no hurry at all. Your diagnosis does not expire; it is understood that once Autism, ADHD or AuDHD has been identified, this is a trait you will always have.
Why Do I Know More About Autism Than the People I Want to Tell?
Like many autistic and ADHD people you have probably been doing a lot of research and participating in online groups before you even saw a diagnosis. But that means that you are immersed in a lot of information that the general population does not have. And it’s good to remember that, while you might welcome confirmation of a diagnosis, many people still regard these traits with some stigma or less than favorable opinions.
What If Someone Thinks Autism Is Overdiagnosed?
As of this writing, we also see widespread skepticism about the reliability of these diagnoses in editorials and social media, especially with autism. So be aware you may be trying to share something with people who have been influenced by podcast or articles that suggest there’s an overdiagnosis epidemic, or that the diagnostic guidelines have become so relaxed that they are meaningless. These reports are not supported by research, but nevertheless influence public opinion.
Why Do People Misunderstand What Autism and ADHD Actually Mean?
As you have gotten used to the idea that you have a new diagnosis, maybe you’re experiencing mixed reactions from people. Part of the challenge is that a lot of people really don’t understand many of the nuances of what these diagnoses indicate. They may have just a general impression of ADHD, assuming it means you lose things a lot or you’re late all the time. They may think autism is about being like some of the characters on TV shows who just want to talk about themselves and their special interest.
Does Telling Someone Mean I Have to Educate Them Too?
Part of disclosing your diagnosis to someone often includes educating them, by explaining some of your habits and behaviors. As you explain, you may find yourself sharing very personal information and this could cause you to feel surprisingly vulnerable. It can also become tiresome to explain, as though you must justify that you need the house to quiet down by 10 pm or that this week you need to order groceries online instead of going to the store. You may find yourself doing some negotiating with the people in your life, to convince them they need to practice accepting your requests without pressing for repeated justifications.
What If People Think I’m Using My Diagnosis as an Excuse?
Unfortunately diagnoses like ADHD and autism sometimes cause people to be skeptical. They may believe you could overcome your condition if you would just try harder or exercise more discipline. People may have their own preconceptions about laziness or lack of motivation causing these traits, assuming you are using your diagnosis as an excuse. You can consider that you have what is referred to as an invisible disability; because you don’t use mobility aids or have any apparent differences, you seem like you’re OK.
Why Do I Want This Person to Know?
Before you share your diagnosis, it’s worth thinking about why you want to tell someone this information. What is your objective? What are you hoping they will learn or gain from understanding this aspect of your life? You have every right now to disclose if you prefer not to, even if you are looking for formal accommodations at your school or your job. No-one can insist you name your diagnosis.
Can I Ask for What I Need Without Naming My Diagnosis?
Maybe you can accomplish the same thing by letting them know about your sensory or social needs, without necessarily giving the diagnostic context. For example, you might let a friend know, “Remember last time we went shopping together and got lunch? I agreed to go to the movie with you after but when I got home I realized doing that many things in one day can be too much. Next week if we can go to one or two events, that will work better for me. I love hanging out with you, but I need to pace myself.”
Or maybe a coworker needs to hear, “It would help me if we could map out step-by-step instructions for this project.” Or, “Thanks for your ideas, I need to reflect on what you said for a bit. If it’s OK I’d like get back to you on email before the end of the day.”
How Much Flexibility Can I Actually Ask For?
You don’t have to live life on everyone else’s terms, although many of us have gotten used to trying. It’s true, some jobs have rigid demands and admittedly, many neurodivergent people have little power to change their working conditions. However, it’s worth seeing what others will accept as good enough. You might find more latitude than you expected.
What Changes When People Accept Your Autism Diagnosis?
If you find your diagnosis is accepted as positive by the people you relate to, that is wonderful and will help you adjust more easily. Now that you know this about yourself, you will feel increasingly comfortable around anyone who accepts and makes an effort to better understand you. The freedom to just be yourself is valuable and we know that autistic people who have to hide their autistic traits by masking behaviors typically experience adverse psychological effects.
Many people eventually experience a feeling of pride and appreciation for their own autistic qualities and can become effective advocates for themselves once their identity is confirmed.
How Does a Diagnosis Open the Door to the Autistic Community?
One substantial benefit of diagnosis is feeling free to explore the autism community by attending groups and events. Often people have wanted to attend get-togethers to feel what is like to be around other autistic people but have hesitated because they don’t know if they really belong. They wonder if they have a right to join a group or participate in an online conversation without someone else affirming that they are indeed autistic. Once they have settled their minds through research and self-identification or through a professional diagnosis, it gives them a chance to show up and see how it is to hang out with other autistic people.
What If I Don’t Click With Other Autistic People?
Autistic people are all as different as anybody else and you are unlikely to get along with every single autistic person you meet, but it is part of your identity development to be around people who may be like you. If you find these gatherings are not for you, it’s entirely your choice, but it’s worth attending a few things to learn more about other autistics and see if they have anything helpful to share with you.
Where Can I Find an Autistic Community or Therapist?
Some of the therapists in this directory offer groups and that is one avenue to explore autistic community; the therapist will likely serve as a facilitator and provide structure and a purpose to the group, so you should feel supported and welcomed. Please feel free to get in touch with a therapist who is licensed in your state if you have questions about how this works.
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